A Challenge within A Challenge

I now write to you on the final day of my 30 Day Challenge. The challenge I set myself was to do something new every day for 30 days straight.

(I confess, I am feeling a little underwhelmed as my last week of the challenge has been hindered by the flu.)

This challenge has touched on so many things for me, but let me begin by telling you some of my reasons for embarking on it and what I hoped to achieve from it.

Wants:
I wanted this challenge to be something fun that I knew I would want to commit to every day. That was a big deciding factor in choosing what my challenge would be. I wanted it to be realistic, achievable and allow for 'breathing space' on my busiest days, down days, and downright tiring days.

Too much fun on Day 21!

Hopes:
I hoped that it would connect me with people that I know very well and people I don't know all that well. I hoped for an increased connection with familiar and not so familiar faces. I also hoped that it would break down gender stereotypes and allow for a platonic connection with the opposite sex, without all the bullshit that comes with it.

Strengthening connections on Day 25.

The Scare-Factor:
Finally, I wanted it to be a bit scary. I wanted to pepper it with all of the above so it wouldn't be too scary, but still...it needed to be challenging right? So, the things I find scary are mainly aligned with social anxiety: fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown and fear of what people might be thinking about me. And my biggest fear? Well, it ties into all three. My biggest fear is doing certain 'social' activities alone.

Going back to Modelling on Day 18 was both frightening and exposing.

Although the flu has delayed me in facing my biggest fear, it is still on the agenda for when I'm fully recovered. As for the other stuff, did my Challenge help me to achieve all that I wanted it to? The answer is yes...and then some.

Day 2:
Going back to what I said about the challenge needing to allow for busy days, I knew Thursdays might be tricky. You see, Thursday is Dad night. Always has been, always will be. So on Thursdays, I travel straight from work to my Dads house and we have a small window of time to catch up and eat dinner before I travel back home.

It just so happens that day 2 of my challenge was a Thursday....so I text my Dad and told him he'd need to think up something for us to do. He didn't. Thanks Dad.

Ladies and gentlemen...my Dad.

I thought to myself, "well what can we do in this small window of time?" Then I remembered that ever since I was little he'd play the guitar and sing...badly...and I'd scream and shout and put my fingers in my ears and run upstairs. Turns out enough paddying/mardying/sticking lip 'art stopped him from playing the guitar in my presence as much.

Bummer. I'd never thought about it like that before.

Feeling enlightened by this thought, and remembering my hope of a better connection with the people I love, on Day 2 I picked up his guitar. I looked at my Dad and said "you know, you've played this for so long and I've hated it for so long. I've never stopped to appreciate the skill in it, let alone even had the slightest interest in learning to play it. So it's about time I got involved with your favourite hobby."

Day 2 playing guitar.

I thought, how poignant. I thought that we could share something that would make us closer, something he'd really enjoy. Turns out Dad thought, "the baby has picked up 'my precious' and I'm scared that the fumbling, demented child-monkey will drop it!" After ten minutes of convincing him that I was, in fact, ahem, a 31 year old woman-baby now, that still didn't reassure him much.

We did get there in the end though! And like a true child, my Dad taught me how to play 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' on the guitar. Something I'd never thought about doing in 31 years.

Me and Dad.

Me and Dad.

Day 3:
Continuing with the music and family theme...Day 3 involved a visit from my Mum and her partner Steve, who is an actual music teacher. The visit had been planned in advance and I'd already asked Steve if he would give me a singing lesson. Now, this is high on my 'scare-factor': singing in the shower = totally fine. Singing in front of another human being (unless you're taking the piss) = totally not going to happen. Until now.

What an absolute cringe-fest! I struggled with this one, let me tell you! Then Steve told me, "singing is merely about confidence", so I gave it a go. Shall I tell you a secret? I quite enjoyed it. And I was safe in the knowledge that only my Mum and Steve would ever hear it....

...Then I remembered...someone at work had suggested to document all of my challenges on Facebook! like a prize nob I agreed that it would be a great idea.

Oh for shame! A challenge more challenging than the damn challenge! Now I'd have to put it out there for all my friends to see!

So I put it out there. A video of me looking awkward as hell and bleeding every bodies ears with a 3 second rendition of a Simon & Garfunkel song. Dad saw it, got jealous, reminded me about all the times he'd asked me to sing and I'd refused. Later, Mum reminded me that Steve is actually a guitar teacher, not a singing teacher and that I should have asked Steve to teach me guitar, not my Dad.

Like I said: wants, hopes, fears and then some...!!!!

...And it was only day 3...

....FFS!!!!!

Day 24 of A 30 Day Challenge...

Hello!


I've discovered something and I wanted to share it with you all!


I've recently embarked upon my very own 30 Day Challenge to do something 'new' every day. The idea was taken from a post I read about 30 Day Trials for self-improvement. The general aim is to commit to doing something every day for 30 days, knowing that you only have to do it for 30 days. The idea is that at the end of the 30 days, you can choose to continue, or you can stop whatever it was that you were doing. These trials tend to revolve around things like diet, exercise and health. For example, quit smoking for 30 days, commit to one hour of exercise a day for 30 days, go vegan for 30 days etc etc.


I wanted to do something a little more exciting than that as I must admit I am rubbish at committing myself. So I kind of turned it on its head a little! If I commit to doing something new every day, then I'm not really committing to anything at all am I?


Before I go any further, I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself and where I find myself in life at the moment.


I'm a 31 year old girl-child who, up until around 18 months ago, ran my own Burlesque business for the best part of 8 years. I then came out of a long term relationship, got a place of my own, retired from self-employment and embarked upon full time employment in an office (to pay the expensive bills that come as the price for so-called 'freedom'!) You could say I've made some major changes in my life over the last 18 months, but for me, it's actually felt a bit like my life has stagnated!


Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of the decisions I've made: Living on my own is amazing, I love it. I was ready to hang up burlesque as 8 years is a long time. And now I have a 'proper' job, I actually feel a bit like a 'proper' grown up for the first time in my life! But that still doesn't change the fact that I feel a bit lost and like something is missing. I guess that's because a lot of my identity was tied up with Burlesque and now that has gone, I feel like I've lost a big part of myself.


So, I felt like it was time to go back to basics...embark on a little soul-searching if you will. Although I do enjoy my day job, I sometimes feel like it's slowly choking the life out of me. You see, I've kind of figured out that my sense of identity rides on my sense of personal freedom....and I guess after running my own business and doing whatever the fuck I liked for 8 years....getting a 9-5 job is going to feel restrictive!


I considered my options, thought about going back to university and doing another degree, I thought about travelling, I thought about going back to burlesque, I thought about how to kidnap Tom Hardy and turn him into my own personal sex slave...But ultimately, I weighed up my actual viable options and came back to what I wrote two paragraphs ago. I'm happy with where I'm at. I don't want to go back to burlesque. I like living on my own. I like having a job I can leave behind at the end of the day. I like being secure in the knowledge that I will get paid every month. And I'd probably only get bored of Tom Hardy in the end anyway...

...Sorry Tom!!!

Then I realised what was missing! I'm a girl that thrives on a challenge! Now, believe me, this came as a VERY big shock to me! I've always thought of myself as being a bit of a wallflower type, with crippling anxieties, social awkwardness and a fear of anything outside of my comfort zone. But isn't being outside of your comfort zone where the magic happens? I guess I've been living outside of my comfort zone all the time I've been doing burlesque!

Me outside of my comfort zone...

Me inside of my comfort zone...See what I mean?

So it was time to set myself a realistic challenge that I knew I could stick to. I liked the 30 day 'trial' concept as it's temporary, but I knew I could never commit to exercise every day because 1. I'm too busy and 2. I'm too lazy! By deciding to do something new every day, I knew I could challenge myself, have fun and also have 'cop-out' days where I could do something simple like watch a new movie or eat a new food!


This 'challenge' was going to tackle many of my comfort and non-comfort zones all at once, it was going to test my commitment and give me an opportunity to try some things I've always wanted to try! I'm nearing the end of my trial now (this blog post is day 24's challenge!) and I can tell you, it's also given me so much more! More than I expected!


The main unexpected highlight of this challenge has simply been the response it has received! Now, this didn't start out as something I was going to share, or even document. I originally just posted something on Facebook explaining that I intended to do it and was looking for some recommendations on what to do.


The response was phenomenal, I had never expected so many people to get in touch telling me that they had always wanted to do this, that or the other! People telling me their own fears and anxieties. People recommending a tonne of things to do. It even resulted in people making contact that I hadn't seen in years! The challenge had already opened so many doors to me and it hadn't even begun!


I've discovered so many things about my friends, family and even strangers over the last 24 days! But for the most part, I've discovered so much about myself....


...More on that, including the full 30 days worth of my challenges later...For now, I'm looking forward to what the next 6 days will bring...